Lessons in Love at 50 Years Old

By July 2022 I have been living in my Class C RV for just over 2 years. About 1 1/12 of those years was partially with a boyfriend.

I wasn’t looking a boyfriend but it happened.

Previous to this boyfriend I hadn’t dated or been with a man for over 5 years. My divorce was final in January 2015, I dated a bit then simply stopped, had no interest. Then January 2021 he came into my life, swept me off my feet and, well, there it is. We started traveling together.

I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Man

I was perfectly fine on my own.

Yes, it’s true, there are women who can live alone and not be lonely despite all the well wishers (I love you guys) and condescending asswipes (don’t like you guys so much) that believe otherwise. Yes, a woman can stand on their own 2 feet without needing a man to hold her hand, if she chooses that lifestyle.

I had broken up with him previously several times yet somehow I kept letting him back in. He was not good for me but he was fun and pretty easy going.

Let me type that again – he was not good for me. We were definitely incompatible.

While with him I made mistakes and completely take responsibility for my reactions and actions.

Losing Myself in a Romantic Relationship at 50

Though I enjoyed his company, I knew I didn’t want him around anymore because I was getting lost in his world.

I stopped writing.

I love to write and share my story with my readers. I let him take up my time mentally and physically, which means I started to lose my identity. I thought I was wiser than that at my age but apparently losing yourself in a relationship is a common occurrence with women of all ages.

I also stopped journaling. This was a very hard blow for me. I had been writing in a journal since I was 11.

Lesson learned : be sure to create my time and my space within a relationship.

I started to change who I was to suit what he wanted.

He didn’t outright request this but showed disagreement in some of my actions and reactions, I noticed this and thus I altered my personality to suit him. I believed I was bettering myself yet I found I was feeling more and more empty inside as I lost my identity.

He seemed to like the new Allie more than the old one so I felt accepted.

Lesson learned : a man should accept me for who I am and not want me altered.

I was blinded by fun.

I started to realize the man that was with me was not a man I wanted in my life; we were incompatible.

Like I stated, I wasn’t looking for a man to have in my life but he was charming and fun. I really fell for him. Yet as time progressed I realized he was not for me but I continued the relationship despite my uncomfortable feelings.

Lesson learned : don’t jump in too soon and kill a relationship when I realize it’s truly done.

Moving Forward on My Own – Just Me and My RV

As I lost myself in his world more and more I started to revert back to that angry self I once knew. It made sense, I missed the real Allie and deep down I was sad. And that made me angry and defensive. I didn’t like the person I was becoming.

I cut it all off late July. He is officially gone. I have cut all contact with him to preserve my sanity and personality.

I’m doing what is best for me. (This is a major rule of mine as long as I don’t hurt others in the process. Yet with any relationship when it ends, people will hurt.)

I’m not going to lie – I’m beyond happy. The next one, if I’m blessed to have a next one, I will be sure to take my time and vet him with more logic and less emotion.

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