“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
Being the Mother I Should Have Always Been to My Kids
Years ago when my kids were teens my eldest told me that I’m an angry mother. This hit hard because he was right. I knew this in my heart and mind.
Throughout their childhoods I would anger quickly and at times that anger lasted for long periods of time, creating tension in the household. It was certainly not them but me.
I knew I should change my ways and said I would every time I’d get angry but I never did until my eldest blurted this out. At that point I changed.
I told him I’d do everything in my power to never be that angry again to him or his sibling (or anyone else for that matter.)
I became someone my children could trust because I finally took action; I became what I do not just what I say or promise.
How did I change from angry mother to more patient, loving mother?
- I openly apologized to both my children. This made me truly accountable. If I didn’t follow through I’d lose their trust completely.
- I learned what triggered me. Back then it was everything. So I started out just holding my tongue if I got angry. In essence, I “faked it until I made it.” Through this I realized what truly triggered me and learned to deal with that.
- I gave love. Unconditional love. I no longer expected anything from my children (who are now young adults). When they were little I did expect them to be perfect in my eyes, that’s completely and utterly unfair. Now I literally “go with the flow.”
Today I take action when needed if it’s within my control. And I’m much more pleasant to be around.
Part of my healing journey is acknowledging I’m human and I make mistakes. But the other part is to make up for those mistakes or don’t make them in the first place.
And to not be so hard on myself.
Think of a time you made a mistake, where you hard on yourself? How could you handle it different?
Thank You for Stopping By!
Hi, I’m Allie, obsessed hiker, explorer of our world and reinventor of my life in my 50s.
Let’s wander, grow, and figure it out together.
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