Last year, I walked away from a toxic relationship that lasted four years. At first, I felt free—like I had finally escaped his grip. But now, as time passes, I find myself missing him. Or maybe… I just miss me.
I’m dealing with a deep loneliness right now. It takes hold and it makes normal functioning difficult at times. How do I get through this?
How do I deal with the loneliness I’m feeling after the breakup?
The Pain of Missing the Life We Had
I think I finally understand why I’ve been avoiding making YouTube videos, posting on my blog, and why I pretty much disappeared from Instagram for months. The memories are too much. The weight of them lingers, making it hard to move forward.
I miss ME.
It’s not him that I miss—it’s the life I had. The freedom, the adventure, the excitement of exploring new places. What I really miss is sharing my life with someone. The joy, the hard days, and all those little in-between moments.
Walking windy trails. Driving snowy roads. Sweating through hot days. Standing under tall trees. Dipping my toes in cool rivers—together. And being excited about it all… together.
God, I miss that.
Holding Onto Hope (Without Holding Onto the Past)
Even though I left, I still have hope. Hope that someday I’ll share those kinds of memories again. But this time, with someone who doesn’t manipulate me.
Someone who doesn’t shame me or ignore me just because I’m not doing exactly what he wants. Someone who actually sees me—not just what I can do for him. Someone who cherishes me, not discards me when I’m no longer “useful.”
That’s the difference I’m holding out for.
The Reality of a Toxic Relationship
I need to remember how horrible it felt—being so confused about why he was angry with me. Wondering why he’d go silent, shutting me out just because I wanted to spend a few hours doing something on my own. Time that every couple needs, but he refused to let me have.
I need to remind myself that everyone I loved—everyone—hated him. And I ignored them. Worse, I ignored my gut.
For a man who only cared about himself.
Yes, we had good moments. But the bad ones? They outweighed all of that.
How to Deal with Loneliness After a Breakup
Today, all those memories came flooding back. Because for almost four years, I truly loved the life I was living—even with him in it. He was there for some of my core memories, ones I’ll never forget.
But here’s the thing: he’s not the reason I have those memories.
I am.
I created that life.
He just happened to be there.
And today? I feel weak. And these are the moments—these are the times—when I used to go back to him. Because loneliness? It’s brutal.
But I remind myself every day: I’d rather be lonely than put up with psychological abuse. And if you’re struggling with this, I want to remind you—loneliness is never a reason to be with someone who hurts you.
What Helps You Cope with Loneliness?
If you’re reading this and you’re feeling alone, I want you to know you’re not the only one.
For me, the only way I know how to deal with loneliness after a breakup is to keep busy with work. Sometimes, though, even that doesn’t help. I try to go hiking, but those were the things I did with him… and the memories come rushing back.
So, I want to ask you—how do you handle loneliness? What actually helps?
Please don’t tell me to go on a date—I’m not ready for that. But if you have something that has helped you heal, I’d love to hear it. Share it in the comments or send me a message. Because healing is hard, but we don’t have to do it alone.
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Hi, I’m Allie—solo traveler, hiker, and midlife reinventor. I share real stories from the road, whether I’m camping beachside in my RV or hiking mountain trails with a heart full of grit and curiosity.
This blog is where I explore what it means to rebuild and chase freedom in your 50s and beyond—because life doesn’t end at midlife, it begins. Let’s wander, grow, and figure it out together.
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Hello Allie!
Life in my small mountain town in AZ is certainly lonely. Nearly all of the residents leave for the winter (Nov-May) and I won’t see a human for days and days and when I do they are simply walking by. Even in the summer most people only visit on the weekends.
My Malinois pup and I are surrounded by the national forest (Kaibab) and daily hikes are essential for both of us. If you’re familiar with Mal’s you know how energetic they are. Zeus keeps me quite entertained and busy whether it’s training, hiking, playing fetch, cutting wood, gathering pine cones/pine needles or just cuddling in bed. Because of their energy, Mal’s are one of the most surrendered dog breeds in the world and there are plenty that need to be rescued! Super intelligent and trainable!
Wishing the best for you,
Chaz
Hey Chaz,
I was hoping you were settling in fine with your new home and dog. I wish it wasn’t so lonely for you. But glad you have Zeus. Dogs make a huge difference in our lives.
If you still have my number text or call and I’ll try to get up there this summer for some hiking.
~Allie