In my 50s, I finally discovered my personal core values — and it’s changing everything. After years of people-pleasing and letting others cross my boundaries, I’m done being the doormat.
This is all part of a midlife journey I’d love for you to come along with me in discovering my true self after leaving a toxic relationship that left me broke and broken.
Read more : Midlife Reinvention and My 9 Extreme Goals
Personal Core Values Make Us Unique
The other day I was doing something completely ordinary—driving to Target with a playlist humming in the background, planning to swing through the car wash before heading home. My mind wasn’t racing. I wasn’t overthinking. Just kind of… being.
But as the sudsy water poured over the windshield and the world outside went soft and blurry, something unexpected clicked.
That thought floated up so clearly, it stopped me. Like something inside finally aligned. I didn’t need to chase someone else’s version of success. I didn’t need to measure my life against someone else’s highlight reel.
I have my own values. My own compass.
And following that—not trends, not expectations, not anyone else’s opinion—is what brings me peace.
That moment reminded me of something so simple but so easy to forget:
Every decision I make, every reaction I have… those all stem from my values. When I stay connected to them, I feel steady. Confident. Clear. But when I drift—when I ignore those values to please someone else or keep the peace—I lose that connection.
I lose me.
Honestly, that realization hit hard because it wasn’t just a feel-good quote or a Pinterest pin. It was a truth I lived through—especially in a past relationship that slowly chipped away at who I was. I’d compromised so much just to feel loved, liked, or “chosen” that I didn’t recognize myself by the end of it.
It’s wild how these kinds of truths often show up during the most mundane moments. But I don’t think it’s an accident. When we’re doing something mindless—like driving, folding laundry, or, yep, getting the car washed—our brains slip into this relaxed state called the default mode network. It’s a window where the noise fades and our real thoughts have a chance to speak up.
So yeah, that day I went to Target. I got the Jeep washed. But more importantly…
I remembered who I am—and who I’m choosing to be.
How I Found My Core Values and No Longer a People Pleaser
A few weeks ago, I shared something big: my 9 Extreme Goals in my 50s.
They’re part of a massive reset I’ve been working through—rebuilding my life after leaving a toxic four-year relationship. I split those goals into three buckets: financial, physical, and psychological.
I’ve made great strides with the first two—growing my online business, eating better, moving my body daily—but the psychological stuff? That’s the one that requires the most work for me. So much so that I feel exhausted some days.
It’s also the one that scared me the most.
Because facing the deeper stuff—the patterns I fell into, the people I let in too close, the parts of myself I silenced to “keep the peace”—that’s not easy. It’s heavy. But it’s also necessary if I want to truly heal and move forward.
One thing I’ve learned over the years, through therapy and life experience:
Without boundaries, it’s so easy to lose yourself.
And here’s the kicker—I didn’t even know what boundaries I needed until I figured out what I was trying to protect.
That’s where everything shifted.
Boundaries aren’t about being cold or pushing people away.
They’re about protecting what matters most.
They’re about honoring your core values—the things that make you you.
So I slowed down and got intentional.
I asked myself:
- What do I truly value?
- What lights me up and makes me feel aligned?
- What am I no longer willing to compromise—no matter how much I love someone or want them to stay?
- If offered $1,000,000 what would I NOT give up?
It wasn’t quick. Or clean. I journaled. I cried (a lot). I reflected.
But eventually, it came into focus.
These are my 6 personal core values—my compass. My inner north star:
🌿 Adventure – especially meaningful adventure outdoors
💫 Autonomy – the freedom to live and decide for myself
🧠 Curiosity – a hunger to understand and grow
🌱 Growth – always evolving, always becoming a better me
💬 Honesty – truth, even when it’s hard
🫶 Trustworthiness – being reliable, and surrounding myself with people who are too
If someone pushes those boundaries, they’re not just challenging an idea—they’re challenging me.
And I’m no longer willing to lose myself just to be accepted, liked, or “chosen.”
From now on, these values are how I’ll make decisions.
They’re how I’ll choose who to let in, how I spend my time, and how I treat myself.
And you know what?
I’m done apologizing for wanting to protect them.
Still Figuring It Out But Feeling More Me Than Ever (at 53)
Look, I’m still in the messy middle of this.
I haven’t figured everything out. I still have doubts and hard days. But for the first time in a long while, I feel like I’m building a life that actually reflects me.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, confused, or like you’ve been losing yourself in relationships or situations that don’t honor who you are—
Yeah, me too. I feel that.
But I’ve found that getting clear on your core values gives you something to come back to when everything else feels shaky.
It’s not always easy. But it’s worth it.
Thanks for hanging out with me. If you’ve taken the time to define your own values—or you’re thinking about it—I’d love to hear them.
Drop them in the comments if you feel like sharing. Or maybe just start by asking yourself:
What matters most to me? And what am I no longer willing to trade for someone else’s comfort?
You deserve to live aligned.
You deserve to live your truth.
And yeah, sometimes… that clarity might just show in the least likely places or times.
~Allie
Thank You for Stopping By!
Hi, I’m Allie—solo traveler, hiker, and midlife reinventor. I’m sharing my real story of reinventing my life in my 50s after a breakup with a toxic man, with a touch of hiking adventures mixed in.
This blog is where I explore what it means to rebuild and chase freedom in your 50s and beyond—because life doesn’t end at midlife, it begins. Let’s wander, grow, and figure it out together.
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